hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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