Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
