Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
