i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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