my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
