the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
