first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
