i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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