question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
