fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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