I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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