some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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