i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
