Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
