My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
