If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
