she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
