dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
