y did u give ur computer a hand job?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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