I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
