Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
