You're earring is so big in my mouth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
