Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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