Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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