He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
