The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I met the friendliest cop last night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
