I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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