i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
