sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
