i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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