At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
