So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
