Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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