Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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