Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
