I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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