how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
