how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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