My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize