Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
