When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
