about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.