I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.