I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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