If that was your dad, he is hot
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.