i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think i peed on brittanys purse
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?