I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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