if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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