i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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