not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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