i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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