Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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