So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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