I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
