epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
