There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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