At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
