for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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