You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont even know how to be here
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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