I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
