Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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