just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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