my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
