i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
