Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
