Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
