I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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