Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
