It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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