I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
