Well apparently he's into motor boating.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
