I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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