I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
