Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
