i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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