that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
