Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
