You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
