so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
